When God says "No"

you know its been a year since my surgery. its been a long year for me emotionally. before last year there was the hope of tiny newness, the hope of new beginnings. and suddenly, unexpectedly that door was closed forever. like i said this year has been a hard year emotionally. but i have come to realize that when you pray for something and God seems silent, and then speaks again and it is with such clarity, there is always a reason. God says "no" sometimes. and you know what, I'm ok with that. Really would not matter if i wasn't, but to say that i am Ok with His decision has been a long time coming. Not that i was ever angry with Him over it, just did not understand. But somehow He has allowed me the time and space to heal, to be ok with His gentle "no". And slowly He shows me the reasons everyday. The fact that we are for the first time going on vacation as a family and not going into debt to do it. The fact that i have a job that i love, and work that fulfills me. The fact that my kids are growing up strong and healthy and moving on to another phase of "big kid-ness". The fact that Tom and I for the first time in our marriage actually have time to spend together, WITHOUT the kids... when they were so little it was hard to find a sitter for all 3 together... now, we can sneak away for an occasional date, since they are easier to care for, i have people lined up to take them. Finally time to breathe again after running around like a crazy person juggling 3 little hearts, now they are old enough that they can help themselves more. feeding, dressing and bedtime has become easier.
i figure that now i can look forward to enjoying them more, now that they are older, we can do more things, and not be housebound by nap schedules and feeding times, and lugging all the equipment around. I loved that phase, every minute was so precious, but we are moving on.
It is bittersweet, this realization. The end of the babyness. I ditched the last of the sippy cups recently. Theres still lots of moments that i cry. That i see a newborn and my heart aches. But then i just look into my childrens eyes and Thank God for them. For thes 3 miracles i did NOT deserve and somehow the hurt just fades, and i realize He gave me 3. Three beautiful healthy miracles, who love me when i am cranky, ugly bed hair, cereal for dinner, laundry in baskets crazy unorganized mommy. thats me... and i wouldn't change a thing.

Daddy's lil girl...

January 26, 2008. Daddy Daughter Dance. Cutest little girl. Beautiful dress. Melt his heart sweetness. Dancing on his feet. Smiling thru the tears. Cherishing this moment forever.

happy new year!

ok so i am a bit late, as usual, but still here! Happy New Year friends!! I look forward to each new year, all the first times with my kids, all the discoveries and adventures that await us... we have big plans for our family this year!

first up is a ski trip on spring break in Colorado... hitting the slopes and enjoying the beautiful mountains. Next, we are planting an herb garden this spring as a family project, and gonna throw in some roma tomatoes, green onions and peppers too... then there's silviya's senior prom, and then close behind her graduation. Saying goodbye in May will be one of the hardest things i will have to do... but i know that we will keep in touch and see her again someday... hopefully in her country!

Maybe we can cheer everyone up by going to the zoo, eating ice cream at the park, swimming... all those fun summer activities should keep us busy. Then we will have Mia's first day of kindergarten, and sadly a last first day of elementary school for one of my lovies.

Yes it is going to be such a great year!! Busy and hectic, but so wonderful!

Thru all of this, i am so thankful for family, friendships and the many blessings we have been given. Each day is such a gift. A jewel to treasure, because you never know what this year could bring in the way of illness, heartache and sadness. Enjoy the beautiful moments, tell the ones you love how much you love them, and never ever take it for granted. That is my New Year's resolution...

None of this losing weight or diet and exercise stuff, none of this self improvement, be more productive, organize my life stuff..... none of that...

My resolution is to make it count. Make each day count, because you just can't get them back.

Happy Birthday Jesus!

Its the most wonderful season, my favorite next to Easter of course. I love everything about Christmas, the family celebrations, the wonderful worship services, the laughter, friendships, and joy that surrounds us. The star in the East, the Baby, our Lord in the manger, all of it. I believe, I BELIEVE in the wonder of Christmas. We see in our children the absolute awe of the Christmas story as we sit around the tree and pass our little wrapped baby Jesus around for each to have a turn on Christmas morning.The simple sweetness of the tradition we started a few years ago brings me to tears of joy each time. This is the feeling I want to last all year, that somehow gets lost in the middle somewhere among dentist appointments, bills and missing library books. Help me Lord to remember these moments, to bring a little bit of this wonder into each day we are given. Thank you for your Son, our Savior, for the manger and the Cross.

This month is always kinda hectic around our house, with the usual preparations for Christmas, we also have two special birthdays to celebrate. Tom on the 7th, turned 3*..... something... We love you honey, daddy!!

And Miss Mia turned 5 years old this year! Hard to believe this lil angel is already 5! I remember just a blink ago we were celebrating her first Christmas... and like most newborns, she slept thru it all! Age 5 brings on new firsts... first day of school, first lost tooth... first time to ride a bike... all these firsts, and with these, many lasts too. She is growing up so fast! My last little baby, and we are so blessed to have you! We love you sweetie girl!

Here's wishing all of you a very merry Blessed Christmas!!

i've been tagged

thanks juliekins for the tag... i really needed to blog, really but have not had a spare moment to sit and to this... so this will be a kick in the pants to get me going again...

so 8 random things about me....

1. i talk to myself ALOT, and sometimes i answer back

2 i love to bake, cookies, cakes, bread... and i love to share!

3. i have a serious container fetish, i love baskets, boxes, purses, those things you put Stuff into.

4. i like the smell of playdough and i don't care if you think it is weird

5. my passion is photography and scrapbooking, ok that is two passions, but i love them both equally so neither one can get jealous of the other

6. i want to someday sing at my sons wedding, so i have only 20 or so more years to practice sounding ok

7. i cannot sleep with socks on

8. i have a photographic memory, i can read something, see something or whatever and remember it forever.... really i can... what was your name again?

tag you are it..... melody, rhonda, courtney, and i don't know who else, cuz julie already tagged you!!!

my beautiful life

i have taken my cue from my dear friend miss melody, and started recording my beautiful life, moments each day that make me stop and thank God above for the blessed life

i have been given. here are a few of the most recent moments that make my life so beautiful...

Arkansas Oklahoma State Fair this ride looked so cool... i am so glad the photo turned out just the way i wanted.. all blurry and in motion.. it kind of represents my life sometimes. I get so very busy that it goes by in a blur, but if i take a minute to slow it down, i can see so many things i may have missed.... like:

My girls, and the beautiful relationship that they share. they fuss like sisters do, but over all there is this deep love and admiration for each other, i pray that they grow in love and are close all their lives.

This girl... oh my goodness she is growing up too fast, and i just want to stop the clock, and keep her my little girl, but it is very evident how quickly she is changing and growing into a beautiful young lady. She takes my breath away, this one. How am i so very blessed?

Sylviya.. .sweetest thing, beautiful inside and out, she just shines with the hope of her future opened before her. She has brought so much joy to our little crazy family, she is ours, in our hearts forever, and we will enjoy the moments we have with her as long as we can before we have to give her back to her family next year.

i have a new daughter!

Say HELLO to Silviya!!! She is my beautiful new daughter from Bulgaria!! We are hosting a forgien exchange student for the next 10 months... and she is settling in to our crazy hectic life! She is a quiet girl, beautiful and very affectionate. She loves the kids and they already love her too!! We are really excited to learn about her culture and language, and hope to teach her some things about our culture as well. I am sure you all will get to meet her and spend some time with her along the way... hope to introduce her to scrapping, and help her make a book to take home with her!!

So for now... off to shuttle 4 kids to 3 different schools!!

my love of paper.....

ok so those of you who read this blog and know me... know i have a serious paper fetish....

i love it ok? i can't help it.. it calls to me and begs me to buy it.. what am i supposed to do? just leave it there? I think not!!!

so i had a gift certificate i have been hoarding.. just waiting for the right time... and the stuff just jumped into my shopping cart!

so i played today on my day off.. i cleaned my house first, packed for my trip this weekend, and now i am just playing...

here's one i did with the new Scenic Route papers that i just lOVE of my cousin's baby, Sidney.

It's My BIRTHDAY!!

ok so this picture is a year old... and the layout is about who i am last year... but it fits me still, in so many ways. I am still the same person, a little heavier, a whole lot busier, but the same, still. It made me think.... if at this point i should try to change some things i don't really like...is it too late? nah... i think i can keep striving for better, wishing for more, and expecting God's greatness for my life, even when it seems progress and change are at a stand still. I have a few goals in mind for the coming year, i am going to work on some internal things, and some external things, kinda a house cleaning if you will... knock down the cobwebs and put out the good dishes for every day occasions... you know?

Happy Birthday To MEEE... happy birthday to MEEEEE, happy birthday dear Me-eeeee..... it will be great just you wait and see!!!

i love this kid!

so school is out... and this beautiful girl brings me all the junk that is in her desk in a big ole walmart sack to sort thru. yeah me! and as i am sorting out the junk from the keep stuff i run across this treasure... spelling has been left as it was written.....

My Mom

My favorite person is my mom. she is there for me. Even when I'm not very good she is still there & when I'm just so mad it hurts.

Just when she is about to pull her hair out she stops and thinks of why she is so mad and trys not to lauges (laugh).

When we go to the movies we see somting that we both want to see.

If you think I'll trad her out. Well your wrong. I love her and I will always stick with her.

and then i forget about all the junk i had to dig thru to find this most precious scrap of paper.. thoughts in her heart, about me... i am so blessed really blessed and realize that no matter how much junk i have to dig thru, this little bit of heaven is so worth it!

dreams do come true

yeah, i look fairly normal... but you get me around some chatterbox.. and i turn into a FREAK!! I LOVE THIS COMPANY and their products so much!!! I love the way the papers inspire me as an artist, how it compliments my photos and makes the pages i create so beautiful. I love the way it smells, the way it feels. i love how it crumples and sands and tears.. i have a SERIOUS love affair going on with this paper! But it is not just about the products and the paper, nope it is so much more than that! I love this company, i love that they started in their home around a kitchen table, that they are REAL people who had a huge dream and worked so hard to make it happen. I love their philosophy "Make it Meaningful", and all that it stands for, not only to them, but how it affects how and why i do what i do. Make each day count, remember the special little moments of everyday. I was so blessed to be able to meet Melody Ross back in 2005, at a lil convention in TX. We just hit it off, you know how you sometimes meet someone, and you just know their heart? She is so REAL, super duper nice and so grounded in her family and faith. She is one of my dearest friends, and i am so honored to be a part of her dream and vision for the future of her wonderful company. HONORED and blessed to be asked to help her and the other Storytellers start a HUGE revolution in the scrapbooking community. Everyone's story is important, everone HAS a story to tell, and by telling our stories we connect with each other in a very profound and meaningful way. We are not alone in this journey of life, each has happiness and tears to share. I challenge each of the 3 whole people who read this blog(love you girls)... GO TELL YOUR STORY!!! i am telling mine, every day and it is only the beginning! I can't wait to discover what stories are being written now to be told one day!

hugs to you sweet friends,

melanie

so much to tell

ok so i am really horrible blogger. i cannot keep a diary, i mean i have one, but i can never remember 1. where it is at.. and 2 even if i keep it in a visible location, i can never remember to write in it. i like the idea of having a journal, but practically it just somehow never gets done. i don't know, it is just me, i have all these great intentions, but no follow thru. same with scrapping, seriously have not done anything since CHA stuff for chatterbox, and then i only did liek 8 or 9 pages, and i just cannot seem to get it together lately.

i feel FANTASTIC health wise my meds are working, my body is adjusting to all the surgery and hormones and junk it has been thru and have never felt better or more energetic and just plain happy!
my job is going so well, i really love my job. it is such a blessing to work in an environment where you are appreciated and encouraged every day! i work with wonderful people and it really is a joy to get up each morning and go to work ( ok ok not the actual "getting up" part, but after that). this opportunity has been such a HUGE blessing for our family, financially especially, finally getting to sock some down on this debt and it is nice for a change to not be dead broke all the time!
the kids are great, loving school and i can't believe the school year has flown by so fast, summer is fast approaching, and they are looking forward to the pool and summer activities we have planned.

so that is me in a nutshell these days, happy settled, content. something i have not been for a long time emotionally or physically, and i am really blessed to be able to say that i would not ask for more.

love you guys, all you loyal blog readers and friends. Your support and prayers this past year has meant so much, thank you all!!

back again...

i know i know it has been a long time, but in my defense i have had so much going on... read on and you will see!!!

first in February i got a call asking me to fill in for a few days at a friends office... a few days turned into him hiring me permanently... yes i am a working girl again! So i had to find daycare for mia, and arrange my working schedule and all that jazz... so getting used to working full time and balancing my home was a top priority, and i think we are finally settling into a routine.

and then... i had to go take a week long training class to get licensed to sell insurance in arkansas... and have to still sit for the state exam on the 29th of march...

ok and then i got really sick in jan/feb with my girl monthly stuff... like seriously sick, and it was decided that i needed surgery to fix the problem. so last tuesday the 6th i had a hysterectomy. and spent the rest of that week corked out on pain medication and sleeping. and i am thankful and recovering nicely.

so that is where i have been and what i have been up to... in addition to...

getting the puppy potty trained, gettin mia to let go of my leg every morning at drop off, getting 3 of my people over a nasty stomach virus and all the laundry that it created... let's see... i think that about covers all of it....

yep that's it... but i am back... and hopefully will stay on top of this blog thing!!

i've been tagged!

thanks julie and leanne for making me "it" i now have to tell my secret weirdness to the world... i am gonna be brave... here goes.....

1. I have a serious moisturizer fetish. I must have lotion and chapstick at all times, and i HAVE to put lotion on my feet before i go to bed at night...

2. My nickname(s) growing up were Miss Piggy (for the muppet) and Roscoe (from Dukes of Hazard) my mother used to call me both things, since i was really little, and sometimes i still catch her callin me Piggy on rare occasions... hehe

3. I talk to myself... all day long.. but i don't answer back (YET) so i think i am still normal.. just about what i am doing and what needs to be done... kinda like a running list and verbal reminder to keep me on track i think i am ADD...

4. i am a HUGE procrastinator.... this is really one of my worst habits... i just get sidetracked so easily and i am a little lazy (just a little) hehe so i have way to many unfinished projects on my plate....

5.i have a morning routine and i don't like to be deviated from it... ADD and OCD again... i must do my morning routine every day or i don't feel like i have had a good day... it goes like this....
-get up, get dressed, make all the beds, pick up all the dirty clothes, clean the bathrooms, clean up the kitchen, start laundry... check email, blogs, message boards, breakfast.... then i can start my day... but all this has to be done first....and i just get all sideways and out of sorts if i don't accomplish this little bit of stuff every day. I get this from my nanny... who is infamous for her "routines".

6. Is that enough wierdness yet??? ok a few more... i love the smell of chatterbox paper, clean laundry, baby necks, puppy breath, baking cookies, and pipe tobacco. I love to see first spring flowers, smiles on my children, perfect snowflakes, my sweet husband coming home. I love to hear "I love you", children laughing (especially mine), worship music, and a nice rumbly thunderstorm. I love to feel the softness of my babies, warm flannel sheets, holding my hubby's hand, and sweet friend hugs. I love to taste the first season's strawberries, homemade icecream, chocolate and peppermint tea. I am a simple gal, and simple things make me happy... little things really. The blessing of another day, the sun shining, birds singing, and a safe place to land at the end of the day...

weird?? normal??? you decide... all in all i can only be who i am and who God made me... weirdness and all!

perfection...

ok so when i see this PERFECT snowflake, i just had to stop a moment and have a mini worship session right there. I mean i have seen snow before, but never perfect snowflakes, ones that look like the kind we try to make out of paper. You know i just imagine God sitting up on His throne with a piece of cloud and scissors crafting each one to perfection. Just like He crafts us individual, different and perfect in His eyes. WOW! and really it is true every one is different! i just had to share this today, it is beautiful, really beautiful and i cannot keep it all to myself.

new arrival!

we have added 4 feet to our house... that is 4 paws... Sophie has joined our bunch, a pure princess lap dog, already spoiled and a mama's girl! we are so excited to have this little fur baby in our family and she will be carted around town and smuggled into where ever i can get away with!! hehe

here's our lil princess!!! only 11 weeks old, a lil snuggle baby!

new year...

well since this is a new year and all i wanna reflect on last year's goals....

1. oh nevermind i did not even meet any goals..... so forget it... i will just start over.

oh wait... i did get published twice last year, more luck than anything, but that was one of my goals, so... i did manage to do one thing.

so for 2007 i wanna focus on awareness...
awareness of my spiritual walk and making it
more of a priority
awareness of the needs going on around me and making a difference when i can
awareness of my finances and making them more stable and being more responsible

and i wanna also focus on some dreams too:
becoming a better photographer, and possibly making a few extra $$
working for the dt's i am on and doing some amazing work with them

and honestly i am so easy to please, i am just gonna work on those little things, so i can enjoy all the blessings i have been just surrounded with this past year... friendships, laughter, love, and the 3 little ones who say the word "mommy" like it is magical or something... wow!

hope your new year is full of new dreams and hopes for the wonderful year ahead!

i still dont consider this....

REALLY SCRAPBOOKING....in my personal taste and opinion you gotta break out paper and glue, but i got this insert in last month's CK and decided to see what all the fuss is about.... digital scrapbooking 101... including a free downloadable kit from the very talented Jessica Sprague. Well i tried it... and i must say a couple of things... 1. it was easier than i thought. 2. I really like how quickly it came together. 3. I can see myself doing this again. 4. i will in no way replace real scrapbooking with it, but it might be kinda cool for a quick digi album for relatives that don't get scrapbooking and would like something of the family and i don't wanna waste my precious paper and glue...hehe ... so without further ado...here's my first digital page!!

We Wish you a Merry Christmas!!!!

A very merry Christmas to all of you who read this... my friends and family i love you all so much and pray for you to have a CHRIST-filled Christmas and many blessings!!!

SWAK!!!
melanie

!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH

all done!!! finished shopping!! getting my goodies made... finishing them up this week!!
get ready... you might get run over my my reindeer!