Wishing YOU a Happy New Year!!

We are hoping you have had a blessed Christmas. We wish for you a very blessed 2009!!!

The Secret's Inside...

So... tomorrow's Christmas!!! Can't believe it is already here! We can almost tell the big secret we've been keeping for MONTHS!!! only 20 hours or so to go... depends really on when the kids get up... but knowing them it will be early! so, here's a lil hint, just for you, but if you know me, you are already in on the secret, but if you don't... see if you can guess?!

At any rate... MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Cuz we won't be around to tell you ourselves... (oooh that's ANOTHER HINT!! )

thankful for this life

so many things to be thankful for, just waking up daily is a gift... but this year something more special than all the others...
my son accepted Jesus Christ as his Savior... THANKSGIVING night!!!
it all started at lunch time when we all went around the table telling what we were each thankful for, and lucas after 1 round said he wanted to just keep going around and around... so we did. all thru dinner! it was really fun and special!
then the day went on like a typical thanksgiving, kids playing in the front yard, grownups in a turkey coma...
that night luc went into the room with tom, and asked when Jesus died... Halloween or Easter? and tom said well, neither, and then proceeded to tell him about Good Friday, and Resurrection Sunday... then lucas started asking some pretty deep questions about salvation and sin and tom could tell these were not the kind of questions we normally hear... the curious kind. these were serious, and really came from his heart. He just broke down and cried and said he knew he sinned, knew he would not go to heaven if he did not accept Christ, and he wanted to pray then and there to be saved!! He came out later with tom to the living room where i was, and said he had something really important to tell me, so he climbed up in my lap (he is really getting too big for this.. but i am so happy he still does!) and he started to tell me his big news, with teary eyes and his little chin quivering but smiling all at the same time, he told me he just prayed and asked Jesus into his heart. OF course lots of celebrating happy tears and phone calls to follow!
he could not wait for Sunday to tell our youth pastor, and he wanted to be baptized SUNDAY NIGHT... no waiting. he wanted to DO IT NOW!! so he did! This from the child who wont go near a swimming pool without floaties, who wont dream of getting his face wet, who flips out when we wash his hair and water gets on his face... THIS is my son.... smiling as Brother Stu asked him who his Lord is, and then "for we are buried with Christ in Baptism, and raised to walk in newness of life..." and radiantly smiling as he is brought up from under the water! AMEN and AMEN!
so much to be thankful for, but this one.. this one here, is at the top of my list this year!

Creative Escape(S)

Well as usual it is long since i have updated... so here goes:

September 3-7 i joined April Leanne and Angie in Arizona for the Heidi Swapp Creative Escape. I had a GREAT time! all the classes save one were really good, i loved the projects! One thing was no crop nights... but honestly by the time we had done 4 classes all day, i was give out!! I don't think even Starbucks could have kept me up to crop... All in all it was a good trip. Great shopping, met some new friends.. who i hope we see again cuz they are FUN!
We shopped at this great store (or a few great stores) Mystic Paper, downtown...think van buren small antique store setting narrow but goes back a long way... vintagey decor, papers, ephemera... really COOL stuff. Then also Scrapbooks ETC which was great and had lots of new cool toys... i really liked this store and the way it was organized. Also the Bazzill factory sale.... stock up on cardstock!! i had to ship a box home because it would not fit in my suitcase... bad!!

So in between then and now, we have just been normal, getting the kids routine for school down, and mornings are so hard, especially now that they are dark and cold when we get up... makes getting out of your nice warm bed reallly hard! But they are all doing very well, Chelsea is doing Student Council and Celebration Team, and then she is cheering for a football team, her social calendar takes a lot of mom chauffering around town these days...
Lucas is doing really well, he is a fantastic student, and really enjoys the routine and has just flourished in the school setting. surprising, but very welcome. He is playing golf this year and is enjoying that too, i imagine we will be following him on the PGA tour someday with the way he has taken to it!
Little Mia mouse has gotten used to kindergarten, and is doing well, learning to write her letters and making friends. She is exhausted when she gets home each day, so bedtime has become very easy, as most nights she asks me to just come tuck her in (before8:30!). Her extra curricular activity is just being cute and she is quite good at it! She is such a funny girl!

Yesterday was Tom and my 9th wedding anniversary... 9 years!!! WOW babe! 9 years that have been so blessed by love and children and laughter and sprinkled with tears, and even a little heartache. we have grown together and learned from each other and i love him more today than i did 9 years ago... my heart.. my love... til we are old and wrinkled together!
We got to have a date night, and went to see Fireproof... O MY yeah you need to see it. it is food for the marriage... good, take kleenex, and share with your wife! haha
Then we treated ourselves to Red Lobster, yum! and went home and watched the debates... so romantic!! haha it actually was a great evening and i love having the blessing of family nearby so Tom and i can have date nights!!

Tonight i get to go with Julie and head to the mountain where we have our Memoryvilla retreat, and have a little girl time this weekend, cropping and laughing and eating too much junk food, should be a good time! Hopefully will get some gift projects done for Christmas this year!
So... Thats all with me and all of our bunch! busy crazy and loving every minute of it!

will post pics from CE and other after i get back this weekend!

letting go

seems to me this business of letting go begins the moment they are birthed. we watch with anticipation their growth, we are neurotic about their eating and pooping habits, we santitize everything they could possibly come into contact with, and are there to catch them when they take those faltering first steps, that inevitably end with a big bruise on the knee or forehead. we cheer as they learn to walk, run, skip, hit a baseball, ride a bike. always this business of letting go. today is a hard day. probably one of the hardest days i have ever experienced thus far in my motherhood career. My baby, my last little dumpling baby has gone to kindergarten. i knew it was coming, i knew i would be sad, i knew i would cry. and i have not been disappointed. can your heart be so heavy and yet fly at the same time? can i be so very sad at the loss of babyhood, but be so very proud and happy too? yes i think so, because i am a contradiction today, everyday really, but more today than ever.

She said all weekend "can you believe it?! i am going to kindergarten tomorrow!"(said friday, saturday and sunday haha).

and the day finally arrived. She smiled big for the camera, lunchbox in hand, backpack on and the whole world before her. Then we arrived at school and she was supposed to line up in her line and sit on the pavement, this took a little convincing, tearsstarted, and mom and dad gave thumbs up and brave smiles. i had to keep turning away so she would not see me cry. she sat criss cross applesauce, looking down and playing with the name tag on her princess lunchbox, silent tears rolling down. she looked up at me a time or two with real trepidation written all over her tear stained face. finally they said it was time for them to say bye and go into the school, she cried harder then, and called out my name, and it took my husbands arm around me to hold me up and back from scooping her up in my arms and going back home. he squeezed me reassuringly and whispered it will be ok, she is going to be ok. and then she was gone.

i cried all the way home.

and i am still crying as i type this, but this voice i hear in my heart is not my own, or my husbands, it is God, whispering its gonna be ok, she is gonna be ok. and somehow thru the tears i believe it, hard as it is to imagine, but we are. Letting go sucks. But we are gonna be ok.

catching up

Off to a hectic start, summer has finally arrived and it is HOT! we managed to finish out the school year without major noteworthy events. Silviya is home, doing well and is now officially a "driver". Kids both finished their ball seasons, it was fun lots of great times, and memories, but we are done!!! My job and Tom's job are both going well. Really it is life as normal, with one small niggling that something is just not quite right.....

One thing i think is that my baby is just one year away from TEEN, and that bothers me more than i like to admit. SHE is beautiful, smart, funny and just full of personality, has the whole world in front of her, and that scares me almost to death. But at the same time i am busting with pride and admiration at the young lady she is becoming. I guess it is growing pains for me, really realizing how quickly the time is passing, and how little time i have left to teach her so many things yet.
Another thing is my littlest baby is going to school this year. Normal i know, but both heartbreaking and wonderful at the same time. She is no longer a baby, she is growing up quickly and wonderfully all too fast.
My son is such a little boy still, he is full of curiosity and playfulness, but sometime early this summer i have noticed an intenseness, a more serious side of him that has never been there before, he asks insightful and very thought provoking questions. He too, is growing up, beginning to shape into the young man i hope he will someday be.
I guess this summer for me has been a very bittersweet time, of loving and letting go. Every mother must go thru this, i know. I am not alone in these feelings, and while i would not wish the way my heart feels at times on anyone, i am comforted by the knowledge that the mothers of this world are facing the same hopes and fears.

I had another birthday, uneventful, but very enjoyable time spent with family, which i guess is what has gotten me to wax nostalgic lately about time passing so quickly. I realize more and more each day how very little time we have on earth, how each day should count for something, and how many days i spend frivolously and wastefully not doing my life's calling, and purpose. It is jolting to realize that at times.

So, not that this has been a very fun or newsworthy post after so long a silence, that is it, really, in the end all i have to say today....

busy weekend!

we had one of those crazy busy weekends that did not stop from friday to sunday night late!!

Friday we decided to go eat and go run some errands and shop with the kids... did not get home til late... then Saturday started with ball practice, had the all day airshow... SUNBURN, and then ended with an exchange student going away party at the church... again home late....

then Sunday was church, then we decided to drive up to Gentry to the drive thru Safari, and spent til like 8pm there, did not get home til late again!!

A GREAT FUN WEEKEND, family time, the really good quality family time, where you get to talk, and laugh and play, the kind where good memories are made... here's a few memories we made...

Crazy life!

Welcome to my crazy life!!

We had a wonderful spring break trip to Colorado!! Ski-ed our legs off and enjoyed the beauty of the mountains and snow. I swear i could live there... and those that know me well know i HATE being cold.. so i bet that is a surprise to hear me type that! But i totally could live there! It is so beautiful and it is a different kind of cold, drier and less intense.. of course we were there in MARCH when the temps were in the low 40's.. and not the middle of winter... so that could be a different story all together! haha

We had a great time and ski-ed every day and it snowed alot every day we were there except the last day, Sunday. So FRESH POWDER !!! YAY!!! The best ski-ing for sure. We went inner-tubing one night, and had a BLAST doing that! We will visit that hill again ! Mia and Lucas did not ski this time... not interested, so we took turns staying at the condo with them and found a great place to play with our sleds right out in front of the condo complex. We played hard for many hours and laughed until i thought we would burst!

The highlight of the experience was one of the most amazing Easter Sundays I have personally ever witnessed. A little country church, at the base of the snow capped mountains, with probably 75 people in attendance, beautiful moving worship service followed by an Easter pageant put on by the church telling the Resurrection Story in a way that even my 5 year old Mia enjoyed and could understand. Not a dry eye in the house.. at least on our family's 2 rows of seats!! After that beautiful service... we hit the slopes for the last day. When you come out of worship, and then go to the mountaintop and surrounding you is all the majestic creation of the Father... can i just say WOW! All i could do is just look around me with tears streaming and say "Thank You" nothing more would come out... my heart wanted to shout from the mountain... "HE IS RISEN!!" amen and amen! It was a beautiful moving experience i cannot even describe in words.

After we got back, baseball season started and we are in full swing with 2 kids playin on 2 leagues and practice 2 times a week... are you seein a theme here.. it involves me running around like a crazy taking kids to practice all the time! We have been busy getting ready for Silviya to go home in a month, all that last minute senior stuff, photos, and functions, not to mention trying to squeeze in little side trips to points of interest she still wants to go see... busy family indeed. So i am so sorry for not being more in touch with friends and family and calling and emailing...hopefully things will settle down a bit in the next month or so as summer comes and the kids are not in school. Until then it is fast and furious at the Stout house!!

When God says "No"

you know its been a year since my surgery. its been a long year for me emotionally. before last year there was the hope of tiny newness, the hope of new beginnings. and suddenly, unexpectedly that door was closed forever. like i said this year has been a hard year emotionally. but i have come to realize that when you pray for something and God seems silent, and then speaks again and it is with such clarity, there is always a reason. God says "no" sometimes. and you know what, I'm ok with that. Really would not matter if i wasn't, but to say that i am Ok with His decision has been a long time coming. Not that i was ever angry with Him over it, just did not understand. But somehow He has allowed me the time and space to heal, to be ok with His gentle "no". And slowly He shows me the reasons everyday. The fact that we are for the first time going on vacation as a family and not going into debt to do it. The fact that i have a job that i love, and work that fulfills me. The fact that my kids are growing up strong and healthy and moving on to another phase of "big kid-ness". The fact that Tom and I for the first time in our marriage actually have time to spend together, WITHOUT the kids... when they were so little it was hard to find a sitter for all 3 together... now, we can sneak away for an occasional date, since they are easier to care for, i have people lined up to take them. Finally time to breathe again after running around like a crazy person juggling 3 little hearts, now they are old enough that they can help themselves more. feeding, dressing and bedtime has become easier.
i figure that now i can look forward to enjoying them more, now that they are older, we can do more things, and not be housebound by nap schedules and feeding times, and lugging all the equipment around. I loved that phase, every minute was so precious, but we are moving on.
It is bittersweet, this realization. The end of the babyness. I ditched the last of the sippy cups recently. Theres still lots of moments that i cry. That i see a newborn and my heart aches. But then i just look into my childrens eyes and Thank God for them. For thes 3 miracles i did NOT deserve and somehow the hurt just fades, and i realize He gave me 3. Three beautiful healthy miracles, who love me when i am cranky, ugly bed hair, cereal for dinner, laundry in baskets crazy unorganized mommy. thats me... and i wouldn't change a thing.

Daddy's lil girl...

January 26, 2008. Daddy Daughter Dance. Cutest little girl. Beautiful dress. Melt his heart sweetness. Dancing on his feet. Smiling thru the tears. Cherishing this moment forever.

happy new year!

ok so i am a bit late, as usual, but still here! Happy New Year friends!! I look forward to each new year, all the first times with my kids, all the discoveries and adventures that await us... we have big plans for our family this year!

first up is a ski trip on spring break in Colorado... hitting the slopes and enjoying the beautiful mountains. Next, we are planting an herb garden this spring as a family project, and gonna throw in some roma tomatoes, green onions and peppers too... then there's silviya's senior prom, and then close behind her graduation. Saying goodbye in May will be one of the hardest things i will have to do... but i know that we will keep in touch and see her again someday... hopefully in her country!

Maybe we can cheer everyone up by going to the zoo, eating ice cream at the park, swimming... all those fun summer activities should keep us busy. Then we will have Mia's first day of kindergarten, and sadly a last first day of elementary school for one of my lovies.

Yes it is going to be such a great year!! Busy and hectic, but so wonderful!

Thru all of this, i am so thankful for family, friendships and the many blessings we have been given. Each day is such a gift. A jewel to treasure, because you never know what this year could bring in the way of illness, heartache and sadness. Enjoy the beautiful moments, tell the ones you love how much you love them, and never ever take it for granted. That is my New Year's resolution...

None of this losing weight or diet and exercise stuff, none of this self improvement, be more productive, organize my life stuff..... none of that...

My resolution is to make it count. Make each day count, because you just can't get them back.

Happy Birthday Jesus!

Its the most wonderful season, my favorite next to Easter of course. I love everything about Christmas, the family celebrations, the wonderful worship services, the laughter, friendships, and joy that surrounds us. The star in the East, the Baby, our Lord in the manger, all of it. I believe, I BELIEVE in the wonder of Christmas. We see in our children the absolute awe of the Christmas story as we sit around the tree and pass our little wrapped baby Jesus around for each to have a turn on Christmas morning.The simple sweetness of the tradition we started a few years ago brings me to tears of joy each time. This is the feeling I want to last all year, that somehow gets lost in the middle somewhere among dentist appointments, bills and missing library books. Help me Lord to remember these moments, to bring a little bit of this wonder into each day we are given. Thank you for your Son, our Savior, for the manger and the Cross.

This month is always kinda hectic around our house, with the usual preparations for Christmas, we also have two special birthdays to celebrate. Tom on the 7th, turned 3*..... something... We love you honey, daddy!!

And Miss Mia turned 5 years old this year! Hard to believe this lil angel is already 5! I remember just a blink ago we were celebrating her first Christmas... and like most newborns, she slept thru it all! Age 5 brings on new firsts... first day of school, first lost tooth... first time to ride a bike... all these firsts, and with these, many lasts too. She is growing up so fast! My last little baby, and we are so blessed to have you! We love you sweetie girl!

Here's wishing all of you a very merry Blessed Christmas!!

i've been tagged

thanks juliekins for the tag... i really needed to blog, really but have not had a spare moment to sit and to this... so this will be a kick in the pants to get me going again...

so 8 random things about me....

1. i talk to myself ALOT, and sometimes i answer back

2 i love to bake, cookies, cakes, bread... and i love to share!

3. i have a serious container fetish, i love baskets, boxes, purses, those things you put Stuff into.

4. i like the smell of playdough and i don't care if you think it is weird

5. my passion is photography and scrapbooking, ok that is two passions, but i love them both equally so neither one can get jealous of the other

6. i want to someday sing at my sons wedding, so i have only 20 or so more years to practice sounding ok

7. i cannot sleep with socks on

8. i have a photographic memory, i can read something, see something or whatever and remember it forever.... really i can... what was your name again?

tag you are it..... melody, rhonda, courtney, and i don't know who else, cuz julie already tagged you!!!

my beautiful life

i have taken my cue from my dear friend miss melody, and started recording my beautiful life, moments each day that make me stop and thank God above for the blessed life

i have been given. here are a few of the most recent moments that make my life so beautiful...

Arkansas Oklahoma State Fair this ride looked so cool... i am so glad the photo turned out just the way i wanted.. all blurry and in motion.. it kind of represents my life sometimes. I get so very busy that it goes by in a blur, but if i take a minute to slow it down, i can see so many things i may have missed.... like:

My girls, and the beautiful relationship that they share. they fuss like sisters do, but over all there is this deep love and admiration for each other, i pray that they grow in love and are close all their lives.

This girl... oh my goodness she is growing up too fast, and i just want to stop the clock, and keep her my little girl, but it is very evident how quickly she is changing and growing into a beautiful young lady. She takes my breath away, this one. How am i so very blessed?

Sylviya.. .sweetest thing, beautiful inside and out, she just shines with the hope of her future opened before her. She has brought so much joy to our little crazy family, she is ours, in our hearts forever, and we will enjoy the moments we have with her as long as we can before we have to give her back to her family next year.

i have a new daughter!

Say HELLO to Silviya!!! She is my beautiful new daughter from Bulgaria!! We are hosting a forgien exchange student for the next 10 months... and she is settling in to our crazy hectic life! She is a quiet girl, beautiful and very affectionate. She loves the kids and they already love her too!! We are really excited to learn about her culture and language, and hope to teach her some things about our culture as well. I am sure you all will get to meet her and spend some time with her along the way... hope to introduce her to scrapping, and help her make a book to take home with her!!

So for now... off to shuttle 4 kids to 3 different schools!!

my love of paper.....

ok so those of you who read this blog and know me... know i have a serious paper fetish....

i love it ok? i can't help it.. it calls to me and begs me to buy it.. what am i supposed to do? just leave it there? I think not!!!

so i had a gift certificate i have been hoarding.. just waiting for the right time... and the stuff just jumped into my shopping cart!

so i played today on my day off.. i cleaned my house first, packed for my trip this weekend, and now i am just playing...

here's one i did with the new Scenic Route papers that i just lOVE of my cousin's baby, Sidney.

It's My BIRTHDAY!!

ok so this picture is a year old... and the layout is about who i am last year... but it fits me still, in so many ways. I am still the same person, a little heavier, a whole lot busier, but the same, still. It made me think.... if at this point i should try to change some things i don't really like...is it too late? nah... i think i can keep striving for better, wishing for more, and expecting God's greatness for my life, even when it seems progress and change are at a stand still. I have a few goals in mind for the coming year, i am going to work on some internal things, and some external things, kinda a house cleaning if you will... knock down the cobwebs and put out the good dishes for every day occasions... you know?

Happy Birthday To MEEE... happy birthday to MEEEEE, happy birthday dear Me-eeeee..... it will be great just you wait and see!!!

i love this kid!

so school is out... and this beautiful girl brings me all the junk that is in her desk in a big ole walmart sack to sort thru. yeah me! and as i am sorting out the junk from the keep stuff i run across this treasure... spelling has been left as it was written.....

My Mom

My favorite person is my mom. she is there for me. Even when I'm not very good she is still there & when I'm just so mad it hurts.

Just when she is about to pull her hair out she stops and thinks of why she is so mad and trys not to lauges (laugh).

When we go to the movies we see somting that we both want to see.

If you think I'll trad her out. Well your wrong. I love her and I will always stick with her.

and then i forget about all the junk i had to dig thru to find this most precious scrap of paper.. thoughts in her heart, about me... i am so blessed really blessed and realize that no matter how much junk i have to dig thru, this little bit of heaven is so worth it!

dreams do come true

yeah, i look fairly normal... but you get me around some chatterbox.. and i turn into a FREAK!! I LOVE THIS COMPANY and their products so much!!! I love the way the papers inspire me as an artist, how it compliments my photos and makes the pages i create so beautiful. I love the way it smells, the way it feels. i love how it crumples and sands and tears.. i have a SERIOUS love affair going on with this paper! But it is not just about the products and the paper, nope it is so much more than that! I love this company, i love that they started in their home around a kitchen table, that they are REAL people who had a huge dream and worked so hard to make it happen. I love their philosophy "Make it Meaningful", and all that it stands for, not only to them, but how it affects how and why i do what i do. Make each day count, remember the special little moments of everyday. I was so blessed to be able to meet Melody Ross back in 2005, at a lil convention in TX. We just hit it off, you know how you sometimes meet someone, and you just know their heart? She is so REAL, super duper nice and so grounded in her family and faith. She is one of my dearest friends, and i am so honored to be a part of her dream and vision for the future of her wonderful company. HONORED and blessed to be asked to help her and the other Storytellers start a HUGE revolution in the scrapbooking community. Everyone's story is important, everone HAS a story to tell, and by telling our stories we connect with each other in a very profound and meaningful way. We are not alone in this journey of life, each has happiness and tears to share. I challenge each of the 3 whole people who read this blog(love you girls)... GO TELL YOUR STORY!!! i am telling mine, every day and it is only the beginning! I can't wait to discover what stories are being written now to be told one day!

hugs to you sweet friends,

melanie

so much to tell

ok so i am really horrible blogger. i cannot keep a diary, i mean i have one, but i can never remember 1. where it is at.. and 2 even if i keep it in a visible location, i can never remember to write in it. i like the idea of having a journal, but practically it just somehow never gets done. i don't know, it is just me, i have all these great intentions, but no follow thru. same with scrapping, seriously have not done anything since CHA stuff for chatterbox, and then i only did liek 8 or 9 pages, and i just cannot seem to get it together lately.

i feel FANTASTIC health wise my meds are working, my body is adjusting to all the surgery and hormones and junk it has been thru and have never felt better or more energetic and just plain happy!
my job is going so well, i really love my job. it is such a blessing to work in an environment where you are appreciated and encouraged every day! i work with wonderful people and it really is a joy to get up each morning and go to work ( ok ok not the actual "getting up" part, but after that). this opportunity has been such a HUGE blessing for our family, financially especially, finally getting to sock some down on this debt and it is nice for a change to not be dead broke all the time!
the kids are great, loving school and i can't believe the school year has flown by so fast, summer is fast approaching, and they are looking forward to the pool and summer activities we have planned.

so that is me in a nutshell these days, happy settled, content. something i have not been for a long time emotionally or physically, and i am really blessed to be able to say that i would not ask for more.

love you guys, all you loyal blog readers and friends. Your support and prayers this past year has meant so much, thank you all!!